So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
