I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
