Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
