Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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