i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
no you cant smoke seaweed
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
