I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize