Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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