not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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