We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
