my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My bed smells like the plague
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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