I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
