I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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