I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
3 2 1 whiskey
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
