I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Did I show you my penis last night?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
