i already hear my dad disowning me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
