I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
