My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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