oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
