Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
