ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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