Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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