dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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