i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
