i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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