A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
