I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
