I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
