gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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