I wish my penis had an off switch
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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