Your tits are I can't wait for
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
40s are totally the cure
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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