I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we made out on top of his cat.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
