Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
