There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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