Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Your dad touched me again.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
