we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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