my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
