After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
