In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
