he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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