so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize