JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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