i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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