listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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