i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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