Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i now understand why vodka
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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