I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
