I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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