I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize