then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
