hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
