I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
