No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
