saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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