Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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