Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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