Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
