i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
should my penis look like a turkey
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
