So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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