I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
