I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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