this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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