well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
