I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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