32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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