There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
