At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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