My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
