At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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