anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
