Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When are your genitals available?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
