I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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