my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
