I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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