i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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