my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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