Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
