Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
