I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I FOUND THE LEGS
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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