Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
