Soap is not a condiment
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
