My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
