Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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