How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize