Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
