Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
