No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
