Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
