should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
