if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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