didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
