my phone needs a breathalizer
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
