I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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