no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
