I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
