I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
