I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
