Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
