Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
