I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
