something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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