You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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