we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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