I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
